Life is Worth Living Again!

Dear Reader,

Everyone has had those frightening moments when you have to go to the bathroom and realize there are none in sight or even within range. It's particularly scary when you are traveling in a foreign country and they have those crazy foreign bathrooms and toilets and odd symbols on the doors. After 30 years of travels in Europe, we do tend to dwell on the bathroom situation quite a lot so please consider my tales of toilets with the necessary consideration due to one who has suffered immensely!

This tale is actually about John. It was on one of our very first trips to England and we were driving around the countryside in our tiny rental car when John announced that he had to pee. Please excuse my language but to put it any other way wouldn't sound like John.

I was driving on the left side of the road, of course, on some sort of highway with the pedal to the metal and a truck on my tail honking as usual because you can never drive fast enough in England! I promised I would stop at the next rest stop, if they have such things in England. Already my mind was picturing the world's worst toilet in Scotland from the movie "Trainspotting". That was enough for me to decide to never pee in a public toilet again. Of course, that was just a day dream because when you're traveling you usually don't have many choices.

Zip, oops, there was one, a rest stop. I missed it. There was no way to go back or turn around. But they always have one of those idiotic round-abouts in the middle of even the fastest highway so I promised John I would turn around at the next round-about.

Miles and miles later as I drove as fast as my little car would go, John was squirming in his seat and I noticed sweat break out on his forehead. At one point I even offered to just pull over onto the shoulder so he could go but being a modest guy and all he refused. This certainly isn't very European. You see guys all over Europe peeing on walls and thinking nothing about it. But not my John! (pun intended)

This was crazy. There hadn't been a rest stop or a gas station, excuse me, petrol stop, or a restaurant for 100 miles! John was now writhing in his seat and tears were forming in his eyes when we saw the oh so friendly golden arches of McDonalds loom up ahead. I zoomed off the highway onto some sort of crazy off-ramp which ended up going the wrong way in an exit. I remember jumping the curb to go the other direction. This made John cry. I told him to hang on. As I was pulling up some woman cut right in front of me causing me to screech to a halt. I gave her the full benefit of all the hand gestures I had learned so far in England plus my teeny tiny little horn. I yelled at John, jump, just go! He did.

I can't say he ran because he couldn't but he did a good imitation of someone with severe lower leg paralysis and only one good arm as he sashayed to the rest rooms. I lost sight of him after that while I manuvered back and forth trying to get out of the drive up window line while receiving a few of those hand gestures myself.

When John returned he had a big smile on his face and I don't know if I've ever seen him so happy in my life. I saw him speak to a woman in the car in front of me. Her window was down but I couldn't hear him so I asked what on earth did he say to her? John said he just blurted out "Howdy neighbor. Life is worth living again" and just kept going not waiting for a response.

I laughed so hard I decided that I'd better pee while I have a chance. As the former King Edward VII of England said "always use a toilet when you find one regardless...".

When I returned, John and I looked at each other and lost it totally. We laughed and laughed and I couldn't hardly drive after that. In fact we laughed for the rest of the day and into the night. Laughter is so healthy I recommend it. We have gotten through some pretty bad days with laughter.

Ever since that day for many years now in many different locales we have said John's phrase, "Life is worth living again" when the occassion calls for it. In fact, he even put it to music and we sing it together in three identical verses, he's not much of a song writer, to the tune of "Back in the Saddle Again". This is all we need to get over the stress of a bad travel day or some mishap and feel good again.

Cheerio Y'all!